Greg
by steaksauce
Summary: A story of why a girl named Greg hates the world. Profanity, can be offencive.


Well, my name is Greg, yeah, I am a girl. Ok, ok, so maybe my real name isn't Greg, but it is now, for I have changed it to be so. Im sick of this sexist world, I enjoy the name Greg, and im sick of a female only name like Martha...my name isn't Martha of course, im not going to give you the satisfaction of knowing my real name. For now, I am Greg, and this is why I hate the world. So sit back, and relax, this might take awhile.  
  
There were many times I thought of suicide, oh sure, the easy way out, do I ever hate this world. Its not problems with my family, or with school, or a boyfriend, or any crap of such that you hear on these dramatic stories on the news or on Jenny Jones "I slit my wrist cause my boyfriend called me ugly". That makes me want to projectile vomit. I cant stand the stupidity. That's why I want out really. If this world got any dumber we would be mud. Hell, im sure mud is smarter than some of the people I know. I would never really kill myself though, this I know for certain. Neither would most of these 'depressed' assholes I know. Ok now im going to give you examples of why I hate everything.  
  
Lets take this one. There is a student of the female gender that I know in my advanced algebra class. Now, how she got advanced algebra is beyond me, fore I think in a battle of wits against a retarded dolphin and her, the dolphin would kick her ass seven times over. I laterally want to punch this girl in the head, but all this is besides the point. So, sitting there, trying to get a head start on my assignment because the teacher is an incompetent asshole and assigns three pages, she gets this idea in her head that I might actually want to hear her voice and starts to talk to me. Now ready to vomit from the sheer sound of her voice I turn my head to get alinement with where on her stupid outfit I should barf on, and she goes "My wrists hurt so bad.". I shut my mouth from the shock of how much stupidity has just entered my ears. So, seeing as I am not at all really interested I say "Im sorry to hear that". She gives me a snide look and opens her yap once again. "Aren't you going to ask what happened?". I snort "Do you think I really care?" she laughs "Greg I love your sense of humor." Hahaha, real funny stupid I'm not joking. "Well since Im not going to get you to shut up unless I ask" She laughs again. I swear I'm two seconds away from punching her in the trachea. "I was depressed...because...because..." "Spit it out I don't have all day here." "Billy broke up with me, so I slit my wrist!". Dumb-ass meter just went through the roof kids. "Why would you do something like that" Why are you so stupid? "Look" She showed me her sketchy attempt at ending herself. "You did it wrong.." She looked up shocked. Did thought actually penetrate her thick skull? Did I hit a brain nerve? "What?". Guess no such luck. "What do you mean I did it wrong!? Greg, you don't tell someone who tried to kill themselves 'You did it wrong', you offer support, and pity!" I snapped right there. "Is that what you want? Pity? I'll show you pity!" I grabbed her wrist. "Look, see how you did it? Horizontal, now if you were serious you would of did it vertically, that's how its done!" She got up and ran out the room crying. If you want pity, don't talk to me, I will not pity you for being stupid.  
  
I know what your thinking. 'Greg you asshole that girl could of went home and killed herself that night'. Well I have one word for you. No. No, that girl went home and ate her dinner, and then she called Billy or Tommy or whoever and they are now going back out. Another tragic day in the life of her. Yeah right, and as if me telling someone that they slit their wrist wrong is gonna make them wanna go home and kill themselves. I know what your saying now, 'How do you know?' Well, I know because if someone was really serious about killing themselves, they would of did it right the first time. They also wouldn't tell people. There are two types of people that do these things: The real people with problems, and the real idiots. I think that these idiots should be thrown into a well full of acid.  
  
Now, enough of my suicide rants, how about the youth eh? Every day the corps come out with some new gimmick to sell, sell, sell, and its all focused on the youth. Now, I for one refuse to buy anything MTV induced. I hate MTV with a burning passion that can only be matched by stomach acid burning someone's eyes out. What is wrong with MTV anyways, who could of thought that MTV was a good idea? Seriously, who was sitting there and thought "Hey guys, how about I make a television network focused on bands, barbie girls, bear, and sex? Sounds like a winner eh? Eh?" Now I am naturally a blonde, but if I ever acted like any of these booty shaking, bleach blonde idiots, I would ask jack the ripper to execute me long and painfully. Now, you read the line above and think 'Sex? I have never seen a program about sex on there." Well, become an insomniac like me and stay up flipping through the channels. Now, once at oh say one a.m. I saw a show called 'Undressed'. This entire show was dedicated to the idea of getting fucked by anyone and everyone. It made me want to go and shoot the kids at school.  
  
Haha, Columbine. They thought that was media induced, well I got a little something to tell you. Shut the fuck up. Media my ass, media doesn't make killers, stupid people make killers. You think if you kid is sitting there watching 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer', which is a retarded show anyways, that he or she is going to find a person and stab them in the heart? Don't think so, so why would watching 'Cops' make your kid want to shoot up the school? I don't want to shock you or anything, but I got a little secret for you, your kid is fucked up, that's all there is to it. Stop blaming Marilyn Manson and Ghostbusters and start blaming yourself and your screwed up kids. For one, where the fuck did these kids get these guns? And for two, how would you not notice your kid leaving the house with a fucking nine millimeter? "See you later mom" "Honey what is that in your hand?" "Just a nine millimeter mom" "Oh..have a nice day at school honey!" You fuck tart. I hope you get shot for being stupid.  
  
Why is religion so goddamn stupid? Haha I said goddamn. Im going to hell now. Right, and maybe I'll grow a third arm on my ass too. Christianity makes me want to smack nuns, Judaism makes me want to shoot a rabbi after I feed him pork, and I don't even get fucking Mormonism. What is that shit anyways? Buddhist, Im going to kill you. Satanist, im going to kill you. Pagans, you just confuse me, but don't think your off the hook, im going to kill you. Religion makes me want to set fires to orphans and widows. Man, since when was saying someone's name a 'sin'. I'll show you a sin after I kill your first born. Haha, first born. Praising something you can't see doesn't make sense to me sorry. Now we have hippie assholes saying things like praise god, praise the bible. Praise a book? That makes just about as much sense as the Jahouva Witnesses and their theory that there are only two spots left in heaven, so they race each other to get as many people to become Jahouva's as possible so they get them spots. Haha what retards. Religion is stupid. God bless the evolution theory.  
  
Fashion takes it up the ass that's for sure. You see them sashes that girls wear..around their asses? How much sense does that one make to you? That one hits an all time high on the 'Useless Shit-O-Meter'. Fuck head. Aeropostile, Abercrombie and Finch, Gap. What's wrong with you people? Why are they selling jeans with bleach stains on the ass cheek area? Why are there people DANCING? I don't understand, I'm so confused, Is this what the world calls 'Fashion'? See cause before I just looked at it as 'clothing' but that is a forbidden word now a-days. Punk is now a trend. I guess I was wrong to think it was music. I love music, I don't love your trends. What is with these people thinking that you must wear spikes, and them stupid belts with the silver things on them, and you are punk? I went to a concert and I saw a girl with a tight frilly purple shirt, glittery pants, but she had that ever-so-hot punk belt on, so obviously I would be wrong to say she was not punk. When I asked her what type of music she listened to she put her fingers in that stupid 'rock-on' position and said, while screaming "Punx Rawk!" I wanted to slap her but I decided to run from her stupidity. I'll show you "Punx Rawk", I'll throw you into a drunken mosh pit! I hope they punch you in your stupid head and knock you retarded.  
  
Yes, you have guessed it, I do not have many friends. In fact, I have like..two real friends, or people im really friends with, all the others just think it so. You see, I cannot see myself in an environment surrounded by tons of people, laughing, sitting on the beach with an acoustic guitar with a bonfire playing volley-ball and tag, singing songs about 'my highschool sweetheart'. I can see, me and my friends, sitting on a rock above them, throwing rocks down at their heads, hopefully causing sever damage. Now, im not dissing acoustic guitars, I love guitars, but I hate those situations understand? Yes and I will sing if the time is needing, but my song would be about like, platypuses. Im not a very serious person when it comes to anything besides my hate for everything, if you haven't noticed.  
  
Little sayings annoy me. Ever be on the computer, talking to your friend about how you hate the world, and then your talking to some person that you don't really like but they got your screen name and they won't shut up, then you tell them you have to go and they say things like 'ttyl'. That makes me want to split skulls. I hate computer lingo. The only one I will pass acceptance for is 'lol' because there is really no other way to display the emotion of laughing without sounding like an idiot. But things like 'brb, ttyl, omg' would it be so hard to type it out you ass? Be Right Back, Talk To You Later, Oh My God. See shit head? It only took a few seconds. Oh and people's profiles on that messenger thing annoy me also. They will have them shout outs to their loser friends. "LOL mEmbEr MiNdY tHaT TiMe At ThE MaLl LOL" can I kill you now? Oh and "you know the digits" don't just say 'if you need me call' no, no, say "you know the digits cause I must be that popular that everyone knows 'my digits'" idiot! Do you know the digits to the hospital when I break your legs?  
  
My name Is Greg, ok, ok, so my name isn't really Greg. But I'm sick of this sexist world where names like Greg can be only for a boy. Yeah, I'm a girl. There are more things I hate in this world then anyone ever thought possible. All the above reasons and more are why I hate the world. Go kill yourself now. 


End file.
